tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post8767861323844803676..comments2023-09-29T05:16:07.394-04:00Comments on Debbiedoo's: QUESTIONS~~Parenting 101Debbiedooshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18206855970605853635noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-1807835774043459902010-05-15T03:06:01.524-04:002010-05-15T03:06:01.524-04:00talking to them and making your position clear is ...talking to them and making your position clear is the best thing...you are doing a good job of both....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15021606262983197541noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-63430378668915055772010-05-14T12:12:36.180-04:002010-05-14T12:12:36.180-04:00Debbie, you and your husband are doing it 'rig...Debbie, you and your husband are doing it 'right' in my opinion. I felt the same way while raising my boys. I feel that kids/teenager do things to be getting away with something. I 'caught' by older 2 boys once each while they were in highschool. Both times they lost their CARS for a month. Even though neither drove. One walked home and the other one had a friend take him home. They thought losing their cars was unfair because they know better than too drive. True and very good of them. However their cars where the best and probably only punishment at the time that made an impact and mattered to each of them. I told them they would have lost their cars for the rest of high school if they had drank and driven. The got the message and know all the reasons I meant it. They also were well aware that we have relatives with serious drinking problems and friends that were killed by drunk drivers.<br />I talked to my boys about everything and they still talk to me about serious subjects like this. My boys aren't perfect and during college I saw more than one picture from a party on their facebook pages. However they never got caught by me again while living under my roof. <br />I know many parents that believed that their kids where going to 'do it anyway' so they allowed parties and bought their teenagers beer & cigs. Those parents convienced themselves that they were the better parent because they 'knew where the kis were and what they were doing'. Seriously?! These were the same 'relatives' btw that said I was raising my children in a bubble. I felt, and told them, that they were not in a bubble because they could see their household and all that was going on. Which was the best life lessons of all for them. I didn't have to say a word. They saw what 'no rules', 'no respect' for the laws or other safety, and drinking did to these teenage cousins and friends. I am sure these 'examples' are some of the reason my sons have been so respectful and appreciative of education, family and esp. me. They saw how I was treated by someone who drank to excess and called it being 'social'. <br />I have so much more to say.. later. Thank you, Debbie, for the wonderful, thought and conversation provocing post/writing! I'm sure you have helped many, many people with your 'wise' words and holding your ground as a 'parent'!! You and your husband are obviously Great parents! Your boys are very, very luck!!!<br />HUGS,<br />CoreenVelvet Over Steelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08625445902301159594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-77772290068393820762010-05-14T09:51:31.389-04:002010-05-14T09:51:31.389-04:00First time visiting your blog (thanks for posting ...First time visiting your blog (thanks for posting over at mine, you did me a big favor tempting me to come over here!) I live right outside of raleigh and I tell you, between Duke, UNC, and NC State, there is a whole mess of crazy drinking college kids. I dont have kids yet (im only 26, even though my mom wishes i already had like 2 kids haha) but looking back at my parents who are very young (my mom is 49 dad is 51) for parents of a 29 and 26 year old, i cant really rememeber us having any talks to be honest. my parents are social drinkers and my dad has a few beers when he is going his man work around their house, but i never drank anything until i went to college. my brother and alot of my friends did though in high school but that just was never really for me. I've always been super scared of getting in trouble over prety much anything, i mean I was an angel in school and at home (minus the teenage girl eye rolls). good luck and you seem like such a great mom, im sure your kids will grow up to be responsible adults!Jessica @ My Quarter Life Crisishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16795933761380430616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-90460227772955607552010-05-14T01:47:06.363-04:002010-05-14T01:47:06.363-04:00This is a tough subject. I think that every child...This is a tough subject. I think that every child is different. And parents have to figure out what works for each kid. My daughter learns everything the hard way. My son on the other hand is more cautious. He learns from other people's mistakes and makes sure he doesn't repeat them. (For the most part.) <br /><br />The legal drinking age here is 21. It used to be 18 when my husband was growing up here. I personally think it should be lowered to 18 again. If kids are old enough to vote, to join the army, and to legally marry without getting permission from their parents, they are old enough to decide if they want to have a glass of wine with their dinner, or a beer with their burger at a BBQ. <br /><br />I think legalizing it at 18 would help to cut back on some of the ridiculous partying that goes on at college campuses. And I know that the Deans and Presidents of the two biggest schools in the state are with me on this. When it is forbidden, it gets driven "underground" and then there are no adults present to help make sure bad things don't happen.<br /><br />After sharing these opinions, it may surprise you to know that the strongest thing I drink is iced tea.GardenOfDaisieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03110646840082802721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-66035108998223927492010-05-13T22:50:53.182-04:002010-05-13T22:50:53.182-04:00I can't agree more with Jenny - arm yourself w...I can't agree more with Jenny - arm yourself with knowledge. But also, hit that floor on your knees and pray pray pray. <br />And sometimes, they choose to make bad decisions, so you continue to educate and to pray. And don't be afraid to be the overprotective mean mom - my kids love being able to blame things on me! <br />Great question.Christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01129372114193004027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-89706859888329788062010-05-13T18:53:51.615-04:002010-05-13T18:53:51.615-04:00OK. Wow. I don't want to write a novella o...OK. Wow. I don't want to write a novella on this subject so I will try and limit what I say.<br /><br />I have a daughter who is a drug addict. She started very young...13 to be exact. At the time I was really dumb about drugs and I just took her acting out to be typical teenage rebellion.<br /><br />I talked to her about drugs...I was there a lot...but it happened very quickly before I could even grasp the situation.<br /><br />I would learn every single thing I can about children and alcohol and drug abuse. I would arm myself with knowledge and I would be much tougher then I was in those years.<br /><br />I didn't keep my head in the sand so much as just not know.<br /><br />And I would tell any parent now...know where your kids are, mood swings can be more than mood swings, the signs of falling grades, etc. were never true with my daughter...in fact, she graduated as valedictorian while she was a meth addict. She has a brilliance that is frightening.<br /><br />Ask questions, if you feel a red flag waving don't turn away from it, talk, listen, arm yourself with every knowledge you can find.<br /><br />Many police stations have free drug awareness classes. Take them.<br /><br />Drugs and alcohol go hand in hand. <br /><br />And sometimes I think exposure to the consequences of bad choices would be a good thing. Have them help you in a soup kitchen where the addicts and alcoholics go for food...see if you can work at a shelter to expose them to that as well.<br /><br />I admire how proactive you are being.<br /><br />And, obviously, I feel very strongly about your link this week.<br /><br />A+ for being an aware parent!<br /><br />Hugs for being a brave one!Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12462124067637610359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-20816393268208379582010-05-13T17:17:28.143-04:002010-05-13T17:17:28.143-04:00The question of drinking is so difficult. I believ...The question of drinking is so difficult. I believe that you just have to set a good example and give all of the information necessary for your children to make wise decisions and withstand peer pressure enough to stay within limits.Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13357761230206692089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-79238030007635322672010-05-13T12:37:18.955-04:002010-05-13T12:37:18.955-04:00My son asked me just the other morning if he could...My son asked me just the other morning if he could do "online college"....so he could be home with me! He's in 1st grade of course...so I'm sure his thought about this will change as he gets older...but secretly I hope NOT!Kerrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10261448185892388252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-67085903101925379272010-05-13T12:03:53.204-04:002010-05-13T12:03:53.204-04:00i only have little babies so i'm not there yet...i only have little babies so i'm not there yet. however, i will want my girls to know that no matter what, we'll pick them up if they or their friends have been drinking!laterg8rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06533233029216326644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-15748118930846765042010-05-13T11:36:46.419-04:002010-05-13T11:36:46.419-04:00alcohol...
we have two daughters..we all do not dr...alcohol...<br />we have two daughters..we all do not drink, dislike and against...<br />pleasure to know you...<br />Mine is <a href="http://justmeshakirack.blogspot.com/2010/05/sensational-haiku-wednesday-quest-for.html" rel="nofollow">here</a><br />Happy Sensational Thursday!<br />hugs<br />shakiraAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10264352891639027269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-11061966721851204952010-05-13T11:31:06.683-04:002010-05-13T11:31:06.683-04:00Thats a hard one! My mom had it easy. I have a HUG...Thats a hard one! My mom had it easy. I have a HUGE fear of puking, so I never drank too much for fear of seeing it all come back up again :) I also didn't want to hang out with drunk people because I didn't want to see them get sick either....am I crazy or what?! Maybe my mom planted that fear in my head! My husband and I had to leave an IHOP once because a bunch of drunk kids came in and sat by us and one of them didn't look so good. I thought "Im getting outta here before he blows!"<br />My mom always made it a point not to make anything extremely FORBIDDEN. It only makes it that much more glamorous. Just like being on a diet REALLY makes you want that bad food! We are extremely close though, so she knew she didn't have to forbid me.<br />Another thing my mom did was tell me that if I EVER drove drunk, had unprotected sex, or did drugs, she would take me to the funeral home and have me pick out my casket!! I believed her...we know the family that owns the nearby funeral home and my mom could definitely make arrangements!!! A healthy dose of fear never hurts!Kelle Damehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10145503884895343829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-37394590525052736702010-05-13T11:09:11.989-04:002010-05-13T11:09:11.989-04:00Wow....such a heady topic...thank you for this pos...Wow....such a heady topic...thank you for this post...I am particularly down on alcohol. I have seem first hand the destruction it brings to individual live and more often than not to many lives. I have an occasional finger of wine and my wife an occasional glass. Our son is 19 and in college. His attitude was and may still be that college kids drink and to expect that he would not would be contrary to what college kids do. My points to him are that at this point it is illegal, unhealthy and will bring him no real pleasure, and could get him in trouble...more trouble than he would care to deal with, and that if it was trouble he wanted then I would not be there to get him out of it. I have grown up in a neighborhood with multi generational alcohol issues...it just seems to get passed down through the generations. Our son has a female friend a bit younger. Couple of years back her parents gave her an elaborate sweet 16 birthday party where they had a "mocktini bar"...within a year she and a friend were pulled over by our local police...guess what? She was driving under the influence and had open alcohol containers in the vehicle. Just this past early Sunday, Mother's day morning two sets of local parents each received phone calls...one to tell the parents their daughter was injured in a car accident...the other set of parents told that their daughter had been killed. Alcohol was apparently involved. I am just so sick of this history forever repeating itself.jeff campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17775235800381700596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-30352796363788448962010-05-13T10:58:59.804-04:002010-05-13T10:58:59.804-04:00Please come to my blog. I have goodies for you!htt...Please come to my blog. I have goodies for you!http://motherhoodthetruth.blogspot.com/2010/05/drum-roll-please.htmlTruthful Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13418118155979582823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-5548711495512942272010-05-13T10:53:10.655-04:002010-05-13T10:53:10.655-04:00featured you on my blog today! stop by if you get ...featured you on my blog today! stop by if you get a chance! :)Natalie of TheBusyBudgetingMama.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08529562486800675586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-77963170097159321082010-05-13T09:37:04.557-04:002010-05-13T09:37:04.557-04:00"Question" is a very good Q-word. As a p..."Question" is a very good Q-word. As a parent you should ask questions. <br />Personally, I am a tea-totaler. So I hope that I will be able to be an example of sobriety when my children get in that age. We'll see how it goes.<br />Good luck!<br />Best wishes,<br />Anna<br />http://annasadornments.blogspot.com/2010/05/q-as-in-quilts-quartz-abc-wednesday.htmlAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17926688000745346961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-56236444449875283632010-05-13T08:36:55.646-04:002010-05-13T08:36:55.646-04:00I think we've been lucky. When my son turned ...I think we've been lucky. When my son turned 21 and was able to legally drink he got very sick. I told him I didn't feel sorry for him and that was what drinking could lead to and did he like feeling that way. Apparently, he didn't because he hardly ever has a drink now which to me is a good thing LOL.Vikihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14421161703991840468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-32348010621172551192010-05-13T07:21:40.974-04:002010-05-13T07:21:40.974-04:00The whole frat house party deal has gotten way out...The whole frat house party deal has gotten way out of hand! You would think that the powers-that-be would get a handle on all this. But they seem to just turn a blind eye. It is quite sad.<br /><br />I think it's wonderful that you are talking to you children now, while they are young. They need to be prepared.<br /><br />By the way, this is the first time I've visited you. I'm an NC girl myself.<br /><br />Do you know about the huge flea market in Raleigh? I just posted about it.<br /><br />Come take a look and be sure to click on the button in my sidebar for the details of my awesome giveaway.<br /><br />Liz @ the Brambleberry CottageLiz @ the Brambleberry Cottagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15884107407813083090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-51961470981710564342010-05-13T06:53:38.146-04:002010-05-13T06:53:38.146-04:00Thought provoking post, Debbie. Something that eve...Thought provoking post, Debbie. Something that every parent dreads to deal with. Luckily, I'm very allergic to alcohol, so I can't even have a taste..so I have nothing in the house. As far as I know, my two older children have tried, taste, but they didn't like it either..Still have another one at home to worry about this subject.~✽Mumsy✽~https://www.blogger.com/profile/10644719969613080399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-44550151620808196102010-05-13T06:43:55.402-04:002010-05-13T06:43:55.402-04:00I think all you can do it let them know all you ca...I think all you can do it let them know all you can so they can make wise choices when they are on their own. <br /><br />Lots of college have great groups for students that don't drink and have a common interest.JDaniel4's Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10354900916937838719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-70093476311541904892010-05-13T02:12:50.850-04:002010-05-13T02:12:50.850-04:00I think what you are doing is great! Just keep ta...I think what you are doing is great! Just keep talking to them. As far as allowing your children to taste alcohol, that is up to the individual parent. In my old state it was not illegal to do so, on your own property. <br /><br />I went back to school, as an adult, and boy, did I get an education! When you are older, you are invisible on campus, so I got to be a "fly on the wall". I have to say that even the sweetest, neatest kids, with the highest GPA were drinking--not necessarily often, but to excess. <br /><br />I got to know dozens of kids, and there was only one, a triathlete, who was not drinking at least on occasion. The heaviest drinking years were the freshman year (all that brand new freedom), and the first several months after turning 21. This university was a state school, but it was not our state's "party school"-- that honor went to a more exclusive school.Amanda Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11734403350649651877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-21235159790087461732010-05-13T01:57:08.881-04:002010-05-13T01:57:08.881-04:00I still worry and my daughter is 20, mind you lega...I still worry and my daughter is 20, mind you legal drinking age up here is 19. I always try to remember to communicate openly and without judgement ... and it sounds like you are doing that... I am also really big on never getting into the car with a drunk driver ... just make sure that they know, no matter where they are, you will pick them up or send a cab, they never have to get into a car with someone who has been drinking ... I would rather pick my daughter and her friends up at 3:00 am from a club than have them drive drunk ...Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03270665398498790951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-89614853224787556412010-05-13T00:26:29.866-04:002010-05-13T00:26:29.866-04:00Hi Debbie, I agree you ARE handling it perfectly, ...Hi Debbie, I agree you ARE handling it perfectly, alcoholism is devastating and it makes me sad. I hope your friend gets help, she is in my prayers. Thank you for the pictures reminding us that it is not cool to drink. Thank you for visiting and leaving your kind comment on my My "TWEET" Tablescape Thursday", it was so much fun designing this table. I'm really enjoying birds this year!<br />Hugz,<br />KimFLOWERSHOPGURLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11060222945679577705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-40288627213687474902010-05-13T00:15:52.582-04:002010-05-13T00:15:52.582-04:00WOW. What a wake up call your tour of the campus ...WOW. What a wake up call your tour of the campus was. I heard many have gotten bad, but this is really scarey and so sad. I remember our the sororities and frats were way different back in the day. And I mean day. Let's just say 80s. Unfortunately, we were not able to have kids, but I watch and listen to all our friends with those just entering college and it's all about just what you all are doing. <br /><br />Can't wait to hear and see all about DUKE. My Brother and SIL were DUKE grads back in their day. Let's just say lat 80s. Still HUGE and I mean HUGE Blue Devil fans. <br /><br />Time to hit the hay,<br />Kate - TGBAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13721336502963839799noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-3866685366682218012010-05-12T21:00:21.797-04:002010-05-12T21:00:21.797-04:00I don't even want to begin to think about coll...I don't even want to begin to think about college and yet I know it'll be here before we know it! <br /><br />I think you're doing the right thing. Teaching by example is a big one as well as open communication. <br /><br />My daughter is in 6th grade & they learned all about alcoholism & substance abuse in Health class. (The teacher really hits this subject hard) I can honestly say my daughter has quoted many statistics to me (she has a crazy memory for that kind of thing) and right now, she seems downright appalled by what she's learned. I just hope that info sticks with her when she's up against it.Ginahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00919946471260198201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7753991164004572883.post-86929444673568621242010-05-12T20:32:08.002-04:002010-05-12T20:32:08.002-04:00North Carolina and the Research Triangle are very ...North Carolina and the Research Triangle are very dear to us, though we both went to college (and loved it) in Virginia. I'm afraid frat houses looked pretty similar after a party in my ancient days too. Though I know there were fellas that didn't partake or drank responsibly. I have never understood it, but I am not inclined that way. It sounds like you are communicating in both serious and healthy ways with your boys. I have been surprised how important peers come to be in the teenage years (perhaps I was in denial as a mother). But our boys have chosen good friends with like morals so far. I hope they will always do this for support and encouragement. But I also hope they will be brave enough to stand alone. Prayer. All the things you're doing and lots of prayer.Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10994393735624178443noreply@blogger.com