Self esteem IssUes~~
Every Friday night my girlfriends and I get together. Girl time is much needed In my ever so humble opinion. It keeps us grounded and SANE!!~ We certainly learn a lot from each other,and value and respect each others opinions. One thing I see in general with Women is, sOme, a lot actually, suffer from LOW self-esteem!! WhY is this I ask? is it society, magazines, super Models looking ever so perFect and thin?? Movie stars Looking flawless at 50? I knOw women younger than myself, that already have had cosmetic surgery, whether it is their BOOBS, tummy tucks, lipo, Botox, which that is not cosmetic, but obviously a look younger quick Fix, I mean who doesn't want to have poison injected in their face to keep that ever so lasting shocked LOOK?? I will be the first to say, I do not want to get OLD Looking, however it beats the alternative so I do what I can to stay YouNg and fit! Of course I see the lines on my face, my neck starting to gobble, the cellulite growing in numbers (MEN do not notice Cellulite) just ask Dr. OZ!! With all this being said, I did tell the girls that I do not EVER FOCUS, on what I do not like about myself....what I do everyday no Matter what, is looK in the Mirror and picK one thing I DO Like about myself for that day! Whether it be I am having a good hair day, my Shirt looks cuTe, I love my New necklace, whatever it is, I leave thinking a positive thought about myself! When I said focus what I mean is, of course as I mentioned above there are things I do not like, however, why dwell on it? I thinK everday we should take the approach of telling ourselves what we DO like, it will Make You feel good, and yOu will inject that attitude to Others. Because all the surgery, BotoX , and whatever else they can suck you into, Will NOt change your Thought process, if you do not looK in the mirrOr and see something positive. In fact I thiNk plastic surgery becomes an addiction to a certain degree. Once you fix one thing, you thiNk well, maybe now I shouLd fix My eyelids, etc... WhaT are Your thoughtS on this? Now for ThoSe of you reading, and you have had anY of the AbovE, I am certainly not Judging You, I am only staTing my OpioniOn here, bUt would Love for you to ShaRe wHy yOu maY have Done this if It where Not medically necessary? I certaiNly do not want to go under a kNife unless I have to, and Let's face it, one time Or anOther we may have to..........
OPEN FORUM here, OPEN can of Worms here... LOL, LOL......OH I am nOt including Nose Jobs in my OpinioN, because some shnozzes jusT need to Be Fixed!!!!~~~ and No I have Not had a nose Job, have you seen My shnoz? It fits my face!!~
Labels: open forum topics, Self esteem issues
posted by Debbiedoos @ 9:44 AM
53 Comments:
you are so right , debbie- although with your face , who could not look in the mirror and find something to be thankful for! i remember a teacher in the early grades telling us to look in the mirror every day and smile. i do that to this day and it does have a cathargic(spelling?) effect. you dont dont want to get old? who does? i am "old" but you know what ? i love my stage in life. i can sit back ( well i could, if i would) and let the young people take over. i always thought i would have cosmetic surgury one day but after having a small emergency operation, i know now i would NEVER volunteer to go under the knife.keep sharing your opinion. im sure someone will benefit from it. dorothy
Smiling is key Dorothy! And that is a great way to start the day. Heck if you don't smile at you, who else will?? If you have a big fat puss on your face, that is what you get back!!~ When I lived in S. Florida, there where a lot of older miserable people, I hate to say it but it is true. At first I found it frustrating, and did not understand, I mean they come to Florida for retirement, they have a million dollars in the bank and they are in rush to cut you in line at Costco....well I started to smile at them and strike up conversation, and I found it to be much more rewarding then looking at them think YUK if that is how you act when you retire who wants it....however I realized it was all my perception and I had to change the way I thought and acted. It worked, but now that I am gone I bet they are all miserable again!! LOL!!~
I am oh so thankful for good genes! I don't mind looking in the mirror at my face, but from the chest down is a whole different story. I am 54 years young and have never had any kind of cosmetic procedure. Not sure I wouldn't have anything done. Been watching those one hour lifestyle change commercials with the mini face lift. I am scared to death of surgery though. If my face starts drooping really bad (neck is getting bad), I might consider it, but probably not. At least the option is there if I want to do it. In the past I had considered lipo for my hips and thighs, but like I said I am scared of surgery so that never happened. My husband was willing to pay for it, too. He said it was up to me. Well of course it is up to me!! He knows I don't have the nerve to do it. For right now I will be happy with the way I am and not concentrate on the negative.
Genes do help Kim most definitely! And you look beautiful! Don't go under the knife unless you have to!!
well i like Kim have good genes my face doesn,t look to bad for 60 i still cant beleive IT where did the time go seems like yesterday i was 40.But like my sister say s we still look good with clothes on as for the rest i could use a boob lift:)
Mom you look gorgeous, I can only hope I look as good as you. Yes you may have saggy boobs...but you know how to work them with a good bra... LOL LOL!!!~
I loved your post and do believe we live in a society that has unrealistic expectations of women. It makes me worried for my daughter. What will it be like for her when she is in high school?
I have been very dissatisfied with myself lately and when I went to the doctor yesterday and got weighed, I almost cried. I have gained so much weight! I did boot camp about three years ago and lost 14 lbs. and 17 1/2 inches. I felt great. I got pregnant a year and a half ago and then had a miscarriage. I kind of just gave up. I know now that I was pretty depressed and just didn't care if I was gaining weight. I still exercised, but ate whatever I wanted to eat. I still do. I have NO self control. Seeing the scale though and realizing that I weigh almost what I did when I had Jemma really made a difference. After our trip, I am taking my body back. I am walking in the Disney Princess 5K in March and my goal is to lose 20 lbs. I know I can do it.
I say I would love to have a tummy tuck and lipo, but then I watch those shows that show how it is done and think NO WAY!!!! Grosses me out! My best friend has definite body issues (based off family stuff) and had $13,000 worth of surgery. Tummy tuck, lipo, boobs lifted and enlarged a bit, fat sucked out of the area under the armpits (you know that hangs by the bra) and drumroll here... fat removed from her vagina! Honestly... I can't tell a huge difference. I will hold off knife procedures, but as I get older, the botox thing isn't looking tooooooo bad!!
I am going to start looking in the mirror and seeing the good in me and not focusing on the bad. Thanks for the bright focus today!
Kathryn when I look at this pic of you and your daughter you look so CUTE!! as for the weight issue, that is something we totally have control over, and when you make up your mind that enough is enough you can do it!!~ Just think what an example you are to your daughter! You are the truest example she has as a girl to girl, and when she sees Mom feeling good, eating good, looking good, she will only want the same for herself, because that is what she was taught! I see High school girls getting surgery already, and guess who is taking them, yes their Mothers. So to me they are telling their daughters yes you are less than perfect and you need to change something about yourself...that is messed up. So I hope me putting a little awareness on ourselves, makes a difference to someone. Thanks for sharing your feelings that is huge!!!~
This was a great post. Your so right.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Sherry
p.S. Kathryn, we have fat Vagina's????? LOL, LOL, LOL, holy, holy cow on that one!!
playtex living bras are my best friend:)
Linda, I too, have saggy boobs. Very large saggy boobs. I too have very good support bras. I hate them, but have to wear them unless I want them hanging low. I can't even think of the name of my bra, but I found out about it watching Oprah one day. It is the same one she wears. Expensive, but support well. Have to buy them at Nordstrom.
Oh yea, fat vagina?????????????? That is a new one on me.
Ok ladies do I need to do a saggy boob topic next?? Pick them up, swoop them across your shoulder, be careful not to knock someone out, and go bra shopping!!~ Thank God I have small ones, no sag here!~
I am the worst one with this topic!I was holding up pretty well until my mid 40's & had some health problems. It is pretty tough on us females with all the botox, plastic surgery & spray tans that everyone has in the media, not to mention the airbrushing of BEAUTIFUL, darn near flawless women on magazine covers!
I am not brave enough to have plastic surgery, but I just had IPL for some Rosacea I had on my face & neck. Dang, it hurts, A LOT!If my girls weren't going to college next year I would probably have Thermage done on my neck. It is non-invasive.
I think the most difficult thing about getting older is that a woman becomes invisible to the opposite sex. Most 25 year olds aren't looking at older women. As men age, more women become attractive to them. It is the opposite for women. A woman definitely needs to be sure of herself by the time she is 40 & has to have more going for her than just her looks!
I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband who tells me that I am beautiful & that he loves me every day. This helps a lot.
Well it is a matter of perception because some younger men actually like older women...remember my cougar topic? I think by the time we get in our 40's we get it, we know what works for us and what does not, we are more confident and have life experiences that young women do not have yet. Confidence is key!!~
Perception can definitely be wrong ... when I was in my early 20's I thought I was fat even though I weighed only 115-117 pounds & had a 23" waist! The most difficult thing for me now is not comparing myself to others, but comparing myself (unrealistically)to how I used to look.
KIm i need the name of that bra quick my boobees are falling and they can,t get up:) oh and as far as a fat vajj i never heard of such a thing it looked old when it was young lol:)
One thing my friend told me was that when she is with her daughter she is beautiful. She never says anything about her weight or sags around her daughter. She told her husband the same thing and they are only positive when they are around her. We do that with Jemma also. I have never complained about my weight when I am in front of her. I taught 2nd graders and fourth graders who I heard complain about their weight and I know for a fact they live in a home where mom gripes all the time about how fat she is and how horrible she looks. When Tom and I talk about each other, it is always in the positive! I think it is a good way to let her know that we are happy with ourselves and it will help her be self assured.
As for the Vaj-j... I can't say I saw her's before or after so I can't attest to it, but she swears it was big!! Cracks me up!
Thanks Debbie on your sweet compliment. I am fortunate that I gain weight from the boobs down to my thighs. It doesn't all go to my face until I really get heavy. I noticed in our Christmas pictures I was starting to get a bit of a fat face and then I was in a sweater dress... well we won't go there. Let's just say it is a picture that will be my motivation picture!
Kathryn, I believe you are getting ready for your Trip!! I say eat drink and be merry, worry about it when you come home, start fresh!!!~ That is awesome you are positive around your daughter, as you mentioned too many times Moms are not, and as we well know, kids pick up on everything~~!
When you get back you are going to rock your diet, and then be the hottest MOM in the neighborhood Whoo!! P.S. Get rid of the sweater dress! LOL~~~
Pam that is a lot to compare to when we where in our 20's. I have not been 115 since High school, Honestly I would look sickly if I where to weigh that now. Curves are good, Men like a curvy woman....so I am good, it's all good!!~
I was at a very large 50th birthday party last week for my neighbor. His wife hired a belly dancer for him who was curvy but no cleavage hanging out on top, thank goodness! I couldn't believe the comments of some of the women about how she wasn't skinny. My retort was that belly dancers shouldn't be skinny & they needed to have some flesh on them. She was in no way overweight or fat, just a little "fleshy"! Of course all of the men weren't complaining.
The mantel is so lovely Debbie, nice warm colors! I love this post, very thought provoking! I think if the surgery is to fix a disfigurement or something really bothersome, then fine. But most of the stuff now is so frivolous and meaningless that I think women end up feeling even more awful when they find out that the surgery did not give them the happiness they had hoped for. Cindy
Kathryn, Wow...Never heard of a fat vagjj! Ewww...that's gross. Who's looking at it anyway???
I'm not opposed to cosmetic surgery. Given the opportunity I might take it. Nip here, tuck there:)...Lora
We are packing as I type!! I have another load of clothes and then we are done! I am getting so excited and not even going to think diet when I am around all the bratwurst, spaetzle and wine!!!! I am determined when I get back and am ready. Can't wait to see the Eiffel Tower again with my baby girl! If you click on my name now, it goes to my blog. It has nothing on it, but it is a start!!! See you all in two weeks!!
OOOMG!!! :-D Ha, haaa, haaaha!!! I thought for a moment I was in the wrong blog! :-D
Well, I'm kind of shy and won't comment on my saggy b's or my v. LOL The only implants I have are my teeth. :-)
Just lurking here! Don't mind me... Carry on!! :-D
Kathryn, Have a wonderful time! Safe travels:)...Lora
Begoluna, C'mon... don't be shy:)
Luvdsun,
I'm so shy, that I won't tell that I have one bigger than the other!! :-D
LOL Oh, who knows who may be reading this blog...!!! :-D
Plastic surgery? No, I don't even colour my "silver highlights". And no, I don't have too many wrinkles (except that my front neck looks like an accordion) because... the fat covers them!! LOL I still have teeth... well, crowns and fillings (silver, matching my hair). And I'm totally proportionated: My (big) butt matches my big tummy. :-D
Hey, I'm size 1!!! (1X) LOL
OK, back to shy mode... :-D
Begoluna...LMBO...You're so funny!
pam , you hit the nail on the head when you said that a woman (over 40) has to have more going for her than her looks. that is so true. i can tell you from experience that if you have a passion . a talent . a hobby- whatever you want to call it- and work at it, all those superficial matters will pale in comparison. but its funny about life. sometimes you dont know what your passions are until you're much older. lucky is the person who has " always known " what they wanted to be.i guess this is why they tell us to take time out for ourselves- so that we learn more about what is important. its getting late and i see im rambling on. from the looks of your picture ,tho , you should have nothing to worry about. dorothy...
I always said if they could take the fat out of my butt and put it in my boobs, I'd go for it. But they can, and I haven't. For one, I have had surgery and recovery SUCKS. And two, who has the money for things that can come undone as quickly as they're done???
No way, I'm short, graying, getting lines in my forehead, saggy boobed, i don't know about my v---it's always been ugly if you ask me, but I'm ME...Take me or leave me.
Ok, after reading this, I am seriously glad that I looked at this topic. I laughed out loud at the fat vagina! We are all in a heap of crap if we are worried about that being fat. I agree that you have to have more than looks, you have to have something inside of you to make you beautiful. There are lots of exteriorly beautiful people, but when you look up close to some, you see that they are really kind of ugly and that it oozes out of them. I always try to find a positive in everything, so the positive here is that even if you have a fat vag, who really knows? You, perhaps your husband/boyfriend/significant other, your ob/gyn(yeh, that fat vag is gonna scare them off, right?)
I'm all for fixing what you don't like if it bothers you and you have the means to do it. I think they have a lot of great, inexpensive procedures to tweak the imperfections--why not take advantage of that! Of course I don't want to look like an OC Housewife,but freshening up your look certainly can't hurt!
Linda, the name of the bra is Le Mystere. I think they are only sold at high end stores like Nordstrom and Bloomingdales.
Kathryn, have a great trip. We will miss you!!
thanks Kim iam going over to look at those bras now:)
Debbie, you are such a ray of light...You're thoughts on life are so poiniant and I only wish I had known you many years ago! I used to have major problems with self-esteem and did not go a minute without worrying about my appearance. It started as a young girl in elementary school and probably stemmed from a lack of feeling loved by my biological father and being tormented by the kids I went to school with. I changed drastically in middle school and did not put up with any crap then but, still had major self esteem issues. It has only been within the past few years that I FINALLY feel at peace with my appearance though, I am heavier than I have ever been (sans pregnancy). At least I don't feel the insesant (spelling?) need to get dolled up before I leave the house just to run an errand:-) Maybe when you have bigger fish to fry, reality sets in that life isn't all about how you look anymore...It sure isn't for me, I just don't have the time or, patience:-) For this I am greatful for two boys as I would not even know what to do with a girl or, her self esteem problems; it has taken 20 plus years for me to get mine under control!
I have been sitting here reading all of the comments and I am laughing so hard that my kids came to see what was so funny!!! Of course I had to minimize real quick...If only we could do that once a month or, when we ate one too many dognuts!
Linda, get someone at the store to do a fitting. These bras run a little different from the norm.
Jemsmom,
Have fun with your friend! Happy birthday to her! :-)
Bring us some Le Mystère bras from Paris! LOL :-D Look for my scribbled name, that I left somewhere on La Tour Eiffel... 29 years ago!
Come back soon to your Little Red House! If you drive around Germany, have a goood and looong... FAHRT (trip)!!! :-D LOL
Good attitude! In today's world, we are all judged on such incredibly high standards because so many people do so much to look better, that a person who looks normal just can't keep up. I try to stay healthy and smiling,that is as good as it will get for me, since I am past 50 and a Grammy.
Karlascottage:Keep on smiling it spreads to others no matter what we look like. Law of attraction is what it is for me anyhow. Thanks all for participating in such a hot topic, I loved it! Tomboy: thank you for the nice compliments too!~ I am not always a ray of light, believe me, sometimes I can be a bolt of thunder!!~ Usually hormone time is it, so other than that I'm pretty OK!
I Thank you Kim i went online and seen the one oprah wears they had a lace one two all the women said they do run small.So if i wear a 34d would i get a 34dd they had good reviews .I know when i went to vs to get measured they said i was 34d but i cant wear them because i was popping out of them.well thanks again
Linda, you can try that, but I actually was a whole different number and letter size. I was wearing a 36DD and in the LeMystere I wear a 34G. I know that sounds really strange, but you want the band tight. They are a little uncomfortable at first, but stretch out pretty quickly. This bra really lifts me way up where they belong and really makes my waistline look slimmer. Good luck!
thanks Kim i just went to lord and taylor and we do have one here so i can go get fitted thanks again
Well our dad gum flight was cancelled due to bad weather in Atlanta. After sitting in the airport with the four year old (who was FANTASTIC) for 4 hours, we came home and are trying again on a flight tomorrow! Thanks for all your well wishes and we will have great time darn it as soon as we get there!!!!!!!!
Kathryn, sorry about our crappy weather here. It is black as night time right now and pouring. Are y'all driving from Charleston to Atlanta and back again and then again. That is no short trip. I would have gotten a hotel room. Hope you have better weather tomorrow.
No, we didn't have to drive thank goodness. We just never made it out of Charleston. The weather there does look horrible, but clear skies tomorrow!!
I have been laughing as I read all of these postings! Jemsmom, I hope you made it on your flight to Paris! Have a wonderful time! It is my very favorite city :) Can't wait to hear abut your trip!!
Well, I have had major body image issues all my life! I was chubby growing up, weight was always an issue. I went on my first diet when I was 8 or 9! Sad, I know! I would read my skinny sister's "Teen" magazine, and see all of the thin girls & want to be like them! And I had a crush on the little neighbor boy, who we were inviting to our house one summer to swim in our pool. I can still here my sister saying to me "Donna, you'd better go on a diet & lose some weight, so Billy will like you when he sees you in your swimsuit"!! since then I have gained & lost a ton of weight, right now I'm 1 or 2 sizes larger than I should be (sighs!!). I would have botox in a heartbeat if it lasted longer than 3 or 4 months & didn't cost so much! And thanks to being premenipausal, not only do I have to deal with wrinkles, but breakouts, too! Phooey!
Oh, and I forgot to mention that little Billy had a crush on my older teenage sister (the skinny one!) and asked her to the movies! She went, 'cause she didn't want to hurt his feelings. and he even bought her a bottle of perfume! No wonder I have "issues"! ha, ha!!!!
kim going tommorrow to lord and taylor for a fitting :)thanks
Haha- am i glad i finally found this article after searching for it so much!- okay, i admit, i should have looked at the tags. But, being ME, i just started right at the start of January to get to this.
I so agree with all you have to say but MEN do not notice cellulite? did you just say that? coz i had a "friend" from medical school who once, during my final exams, exclaimed, "OMG! warrior Girl, look at your arms!" and then he called out to two other guys and said to them-"just look at her arms! How FATTTT they have become!" and i had to say "Okay- i got that the first time!" and run for dear life.
Maybe he's gay- no he's not! MEN/whatever species he belongs to, DO notice and some pathetic dweebs even make sure YOU notice them noticing!
But, i love your article. I've been smiling more, so things should stay fun, no?
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